not a loser yet a winner..

Back then...

when i was in kindergarten, how many stars i got from the teacher counts. I'll be thrilled in joy.. bragging and start comparing with my fellow friends.. (kids). Stars.. as a sign of recognition and reward. Even kids appreciate that.

when i was in high school, no more braggings. Exam results will be kept silently to myself. Its either i got good results compared to my fellow friends and don't want them to feel bad, or too shy to share my pathetic scores.. but still recognition and reward are the source of motivation.. why i studied hard? for one reason. To get a good placement in a uni.

when i was in uni, everyone strived for GPAs, CGPAs (whatever alphabetics you might call). From the very 1st year i was already hoping i could end it up the soonest. Can't wait to see myself in an executive suit, driving my own luxury wheels, own a house and to be respected and rewarded for my skills and expertise. Dream as high as the sky. How i wished i didn't have to attend classes and read thick books with just text and no models in it. (I still have problems finishing a book) In spite of complains and hardwork and sometimes failures.. i still made it through on time.

The moment i stepped into working life, i started to turn back my head and say.. how i wished i were a student now. Used to make a big fuss of going to lectures, chasing datelines and studying for exams albeit it was all sponsored. How ungrateful. I was not aware how hard to earn and sponsor yourself with your own sweat and 4 bones. Only if i knew i would have studied harder and less complains. But i'm beginning to doubt excellent scores guarantees you all that. I have a friend whose excelled with dean's lists almost every semester but now end up being a fulltime housewife. (maybe thats what she wants or maybe there's no need to work because she's married to a filthy rich bloke).

Well, some people are just lucky to have good positions with handsome digits after graduating. Or even been sponsored a luxurious wheels by their parents when they are still studying and allocated lands, properties and houses as a wedding presents. But for me, my luxurious bubbles i had during my academic years are still my day/night time dreams. In a way, it is still stranded somewhere in heaven. But i do believe, rezeki ada di mana-mana and God is impartial. I believe in karma. Everything in this world is balanced. Its like bearing an opportunity cost. We won't get EVERYTHING our heart desires.

.. i will still strive to buy my own house, land, properties.. get a position i want in an organization with handsome pay.. to be respected and recognized for my capabilities and expertise. Again.. me with my high as sky dreams..