you gave me life..

Deep inside the woods, it was so dark..
but far behind, there's a ray shining through from
above fighting with the leaves and the shady
trees to reach this precious innocent ones..
it lits the darkness and give a source of life
to this poor lonely ones..

a morning ponder.

Been thinking a lot about career these few days.. and i don't think there's ever a fullstop to it. At this age onwards, its going to be an issue, new plans, dissatisfactions, victory, ups... downs.. ups.. and downs again.. The iteration process that remains as our loyal partner in life. I hope it shapes us to a better person.

I have few plans in mind.. but yet to be disclosed.. (kang tak jadi buat malu je) but things that i would keep in progress and document it here.. not to show or prove anything to anyone, but as a playground and records for my grey years to come. It feels good to keep track progress and journal of my own milestone. Thats when i know where i stand, how far i have gone/need to go.

Dreamer is my second name. I dream BIG and fly. But i always remind myself not to fly too high. (It hurts so bad if i fall! ~ touch wood!) i always take a few moments after i wake up (usually in the morning) to sit, think and feel good about myself before i start my day. I guess its an automatic routine that has been set in me. Gazing at the blue sky and breathe the fresh clean air deeply into my lungs gives me room to think. Sometimes its funny how my sis or friends tease me when we are wandering in the car.. I'd say.. "hey, look at the sky today.. it looks blue, clear and i love that bright sunny color". And they'll be saying "it looks the same to me. Nothing extra ordinary." I'll just smile.. atleast that makes me feel good and no wonder why the haze effect me a lot in a way. I didn't see the bird chirping like they used to be by my window pane, i didn't see the same bee flirting with the morning glory by my house when i walk out my gate every morning, and i didn't hear the same cock coo cooing every wee hours of the morning. The scenery of monkeys jumping on the billboards by the flyover when we drive out our neighborhood to the office is no longer become a routine. But i did see them again this morning.. Good sign.. I guess the haze effects them as much as it effects me! But the most significant thing is i don't see a glimpse of "morque" crossing by my neighborhood anymore (Morque is the shy gorgeous sexy neighbor cat i always bumped into our neighborhood but always give us that strange defensive look each time she sees us). Where's Morque?? I hope nothing happens to her. Oops! mind my morning drifts..

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Someone in the office has been wanting me to shoot her in her pregnancy period. Guess things has been delayed and she's almost due in few weeks to come. Since i brought the camera today, i managed to capture her beautiful tummy for her personal collections. I wish i could shoot her nude. Its going to be a beautiful art to capture 2 lifes in one.. but who's gonna allow me to do that! And Who says pregnant woman doesn't look sexy.. (ahh.. do i sound pervert lesbo already?? ahahahah).

This weekend is going to be a busy weekend for me. I can't wait for my outdoor mini forest workshop photoshoot tomorrow morning! (ahh.. speaking of it, i need to remind myself to charge my gears, free my cards...) And I'm going to learn a lot from this skillful Andy Lim.

On the other hand, a friend is inviting me to this very interesting event.. at wayang 8 kupang, tokey panggung by Fathul. But guess what?? i have to turn that down again! Bummer! I have a friend's wedding to attend later at night.. So much things to do so lil time. A surprise party and loads of colleague's open houses to attend on Sunday and i know I won't get to attend all and 1 thing for sure i wont get my rest this week. The party I'm going to attend i hope could expose myself to some potential clients. Socializing is good sometimes... Ok peeps.. TGIF.. have a pleasant weekend and watch your diet when attending open houses! I bet its going to be a list and a feast!

I need to visit the l o o. Been holding this morning call since an hour ago. (oh, it must be the mee goreng!) In a meantime.. feel free to browse here.

Career bubble.

It was a boring day to continue if you are counting seconds, minutes and hours to end the day. I have not been very productive as i used to at work. Maybe I'm tired doing the same old stuffs everyday, not getting the pay and remuration as what i expected to be. That turns my morale down.

I was browsing my favourite playground.. my whole online aplication accounts. My blogs, photoblogs, email, forums and other online must-do lists i do everyday. (its like not wearing an undergarment if i missed any of 'em! LOL) Getting hooked to the network is already become apart of me. Who can live without an internet??? Okay, back to browsing my emails. I received an email from someone again today. She browsed my online galleries and loved my work. And to cut it short, she'd like hire me for an incoming fashion show in alamanda! Ouh, never done it seriously before. I did once but on leisure basis. ut getting paid for an event is a big task to consider.

I was super excited because this is what i've been dreaming to do.. Shooting for a fashion show! (although doing catwalk on a runway used to be my dream too! ehhehhehe.. but atleast shooting the models on a runway is not bad at all!). On the other hand, i'm still collecting my gears. I'm talking about the most essential flash and atleast a battery grip. Getting a 50mm can be put on hold. But where to fork out money? Ouh, camera is nothing without a flashgun (indoor to be precise). Shooting indoor during Hari Raya was such a pain in the butt. I had to ask them to freeze every after shutter release.

I always think I'm not good enough for anything.. (or anyone). Yeah, no one is ever good enough or perfect. But some people could just pretend they know everything and go for it. I wish i could have that guts. Its like doing it first, and think later. And there's always a first time to everything. If you choose to take the challenge, there will always be 2 possibilities, either you screw it or succeed it! Am i game for it? It makes me think for quite a moment, and the contemplating bubble gets bigger and bigger. Can someone poke it and come up with a wise decision? Shall i take it.. or lose it?

when the sky turns blue again..

We were driving to KLIA and i couldn't help myself but to capture this nice scenery we have not seen for quite some time. Alhamdulillah, the sun starts to smile and the sky turns blue again. I can see flock of birds starts flying and chirping in melodious rythm freely than ever. It's time to start our beautiful life again. I hope the haze will stay at bay forever.. And to our neighbor country, i hope they don't do any more illegal activity which may ruin the environment. Please..please.. look at the sky and think how greatful to inhale clean air, enjoy the beauty of our beautiful mother nature..

and guess what people?? it's time to go outdoor photoshooting again!! yeay!!!

you've got mail!

I received an email.. and guess from who? Maybe to some or to him its just a normal email. But to me its SOMETHING! Tak kira, nak show off jugakk... hehehheh.. dengan saper nak berlagak kalau bukan ngan blog sendiri.. heheheheh... thanx for burning my spirit. It made me smile..

Was i lucky enough? (this is a back-dated blog)

A week before Hari Raya, my company was being extra generous for organizing a lucky draw. It is actually an annual event. I was super excited because this was my first year of being entitled to pick one of the prizes. I ain't set any high expectations on the prize. But we made fun to each other about getting a toaster, or a kettle. Ahh.. touch wood!

The time had come. And i had to pick up for another 2 friends located at the site office. I just wished that their prize won't be higher than mine. Hahahha.. jahat! First pick.. Kudin (bukan nama sebenar) you've got an RM250 Jusco voucher! 2nd pick... Mamat! (juga bukan nama sebenar).. also an RM250 Jusco voucher!.. I thought I could save the best for last by picking up mine the last.. but... my prize?? .... nothing different from the first 2.. also a voucher worth RM250 by JUSCO! Alhamdulillah.. atleast i didn't get a toaster.. or a kettle! what to spend... what to spend.....

i have 3 things in my mind.. a printer.. (what??), a set of facial cleansing range (Lancome) or a perfume. Friends were laughing and frowning when i mentioned i wanted to get a printer.. I have my own things in mind, ok people?? But come to think of it, investing on printer ranging RM200++ is not actually a good deal. To print a good photo on a good quality paper.. i need to spend more on the printer + ink! Hmm... guess i have to toss this out.. 2nd or 3rd option???

A perfume... i need a sweet, alluring, sensual scents.. Fruity + tangy + musky + floral.. (adake combo tu?) I have tested RalphCool and Incanto Charms by Ferragamo. Ralph is nice, but its too mild. But the latter is almost spot on! With Charms, i can sense passions in me, feel sexy and a very alluring smell indeed! So i decided to get this! (quite expensive but what the heck! it makes me feel good about myself). And I also decided on getting a Lancome cleanser.. could not afford the whole range but to optimize the voucher, i just got myself a PureFocus cleanser by Lancome. Topped up some cash and i managed to bring home choice#2 and partial #3. Printer? erm.. next budget! Remember I'm still a woman.. i need to feel good about myself first... heheheh.. And these are good purchase!

2 days to raya. so what?!

Its 2 days before raya and the man who appears on tv once a year, and yet awaited by most of the people celebrating raya uttering the same standard phrase of announcement. It doesn't fancy me this year. As i mentioned, i don't feel like celebrating one. Only if i haven't send my cloths to the tailor, i don't bother to have any raya cloths this year. But cloths were sent months and months back. I have no choice but to collect it last week. Imagine driving all the way from subang to cheras to collect baju hat i don't even fancy to wear.. In addition having to pay the workmanship that cost me more than the cloth itself.. but for lisa's wedding sake.. i need some decent dress to wear. Bride's maid supposed to look good too, right?

And finally, the pesters will hopefully end. They say my hair was too long, i looked boring with that dead style.. and not forgetting the dull and unhealthy ends. I finally had a haircut. It was supposed to be a trim.. yeah, to chop off those split ends and dead hair. And i didn't realised that damaged hair consists of 1/3 of the hair!! And i didn't expect that the result would be that short! And for the record, i hate it when my hair is short. For about a year i didn't visit any salon for a treatment or even a haircut! Guess how long my hair was before yesterday. And within half a day, it turned into a baby pony tail! aiyoo! so sad. They say, i look sexier with the style.. (what do you expect the stylist would say. Of course giving a self credit!) to me it looks a bit messy and big!! Okay, maybe its wilder.. maybe its a trend to have this messy-volume hair look alike. I don't know, maybe i just need time to get used to my new hairstyle.. argh.. worse comes to worse, i'll just tie it or bun it. And for a change, i have bangs now.. (traci, you've been wanting me to keep a bangs years ago! and i finally have one.. but not as good as yours!)

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I have a new fetish now. And i'm proud of it.. Everyone knows i hate reading... erm.. to be precise.. i don't actually love reading books. I'll shout to the world if i manage to finish reading 1 book. But i found a new hobby of collecting magazines now. Its not just another girly mags that talks about beauty tips and how to flatter a guy in 10 days or whatever things. And for the love of the game, i don't mind spending more on photog mags. I even subscribed a few. Guess, its much much better knowledge i could gain. Well, i have nothing against cosmo, cleo, female or any other fashion mags.. used to collect them years ago.. but i hunger more and more knowledge on photography now. I am serious about it, and nothing can stop me from learning things i love doing and spending. Speaking of photog, i miss the talk by Jimmin Lai on a topic "Emotions Behind Pictures" held last Saturday. Bummer!

my new tb[oy].

It took me a while to make this tough decision. Letting go my E system was one of the toughest decision to make. It got me into sleepless nights thinking whether should i let or not let go my system. It served me well, my olympus gave me a great experience. I started to see things differently than i ever perceive things before when i started to own that dSLR.

But i have my own solid reason to change. I never regretted buying my E500 so does letting it go. The lense i bought with my new toy is superb! And it burst my budget for this year too! isk isk... With this mobile 18-200 VR lense, i don't have to carry much lenses in my bag. But again, for the love of the game.. i don't mind lose a bit, win a bit! And now, presenting.. my new toy..


... and i'm beginning to love it more and more each day.. Olympus in memory.. i still remember you. First love is always hard to forget!

next thing on list :
1) SB800 Speedlight
2) 50mm f1.8 Nikkor
3) MBD80 Batt Grip

aiyooo.. where to fork out money? these items cost about 2k++ (kan best kalau ada sugarfather.. ahahahhah! i didn't say sugardaddy! my definition is of course no commitment/intimate services involved. any such thing exist?? lol) and why in the world i ever indulged myself into this expensive hobby??????


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on the other hand, just to share with you one of the last shots i took with my Olympus E500..

[click for larger view]

i was tagged! again.

I was tagged! Bummer..

5 things i would do if i were a millionaire
- invest..invest..invest
- open my own studio gallery
- quit my job and buy assets on a resort
- travel around the world and publish my own travelling journal
- sponsor the unfortunate kids to school

5 bad habits
- need lots of time to myself
- wifi bug
- hate reading books
- day dreaming
- clumsy & kelam kabut at times

5 things i hate doing
- gardening
- window shopping (if i have no cash in hand)
- interviews
- updating resume
- Giving / Getting lecture(d)

5 thing i'll never do
- murder someone/animal/myself
- running/walking/crawling naked in public
- consume alcohol
- beli cd dangdut
- tag my boss

5 things i regret doing
- none i can think of now

5 favourite things and toy
- my dSLR
- lenses
- travelling
- blogging
- food hunting

Security ALERT!!!!!!

I came across a suspicious email this morning. Remember i blogged about being phished? My whole Yahoo! account was hacked by a whanker!! Lost all my contacts and YM account. It made me look like a woman encountering continuous PMS for quite some time. Glad i managed to get it back!

I ain't gonna let it happen again. This time its trying to intrude my PayPal account! Check out this email.. i had a strange feeling when i clicked the link:

[click thumbnail for larger]

I tried to open another window, typed Paypal in Google toolbar and it linked me to official Paypal site. Tried to make a comparison with these 2 links. Everything looks the same, so does the contents.. but i noticed one thing. Check this out:

[click thumbnail for larger]

A secured link should contain a simple domain, with https. And take note, only release your password on a secured website especially when it deals with monetary transactions.

I contacted PayPal security service, reported the error and sent it to spoof email. And people.. this is what you SHOULD do. Protect your privacy!

[click thumbnail for larger]

click here on how to detect spoof(fake) emails.

3rd date with the orthodontist

This is my 3rd dental appointment. its time to change my color. Guess i overcame my phobia towards dentists, especially its dental utensils, reclination chair and the spotlight. I used to scare outa shit over this alien gadgets before. I used to think that this machine eats human! Those were the days..

This time i ensure myself being punctual. The nurse has reminded me on sms yesterday not to be late for this appointment. Don't mess around with this dentist and he'll be your nightmare. He really takes discipline into account, especially punctuality. I totally understand and willing to obey him as long as he takes care of my assets like his own! He gave me credit and complimented how well i take care on my oral hygiene. Yeah, of course i brush, floss and listerine almost after every meal. This is my 3rd major visit after 2 months. Wearing braces is not that bad after all..


...used to be my fear factor..not anymore..

i oughta choose color! this time, pink and green!

phew! lucky i don't have to use this headgear. Hey, mine is not that bad okay...

updated galleries

[view them here!]

a pleasant surprise!

Yeah i've got the bag. Kudos and credits go to "u know who u r". You're the bomb! And I'm the happiest homo sapien for tonite. :) It fits my gears well and the most important thing, protects my gears due to its cushion interior. 5 mil crumpler is the best!

++aku bukan untukmu++

current feelings : mellow

song i currently listening to..
enjoy this mellow song by rossa.. "Aku bukan untukmu"




note** lagu ini tiada kaitan dengan yang hidup atau pun mati.
..and did i mention the guy in the clip is cute too?!.. *cough*cough*

Partner in Crime.

saturday.. that was. its been too long since i did shopping with lisa. The last time i can remember was before we went to jakarta... and when was that?

she wanted to do some raya shopping.. clothes..shoes and some girl's stuffs. I have nothing specific in mind. I don't think i'm gonna celebrate raya as i used to. To me raya this year is just like any other days. I'm just looking forward for the fact that i don't have to commute to work and walk the same route every working day. I was eyeing for the crumpler bag i make fuss about.

We went to the 3rd floor and i tried on the 4 mil dollar home. It seems that it couldn't fit my camera in and i'm definitely gonna have to consider 5 mil onwards. 5mil has perfect room for my dSLR + external flash + 1 lense (perhaps can fit in another prime lense). The price was not that bad.. RM269 i reckon. I think the price is slightly higher in Aussy. Couldn't help it but to try that Whickey & Cox too! My god.. guess i'm gonna have to consider this one too. Perfect room for my mac + toys. Lisa kinda interested to get the bag for her laptop too. I seriously recommend anyone who is getting a bag for their gears. Take note.. KLCC (3rd Floor - end wing)

Being a woman, we have a solid excuse not to puasa. So did lisa. Being loyal crime partners for about 10 years, we planned to have japanese mission. We were eyeing for some sushis and california roll. I was drooling over, 100% attention on the colorful sushis till i was poked by someone. Ops! my ex fitness instructor!! Erm... caught in the act! kantol BIG time! Ahh who cares lah! He was making fun of me but i bet he understand really well. Looking good as always.. he passed me his bussiness card.. and that killer draggy look he gave was like a hint (you have to call me so we could plan for a movie) arghh.. me and my imagination!! hahahah.. but why not?! :P

We had a packet of sushis and the problem was.. where to eat?? I don't want to be caught red-handed for eating in the public! As we decided to go to Times Square.. we planned not to drive.. took the cab instead. We passed the first cabby as we purposely looking for a non-muslim cabby. (atleast we still have some respect!). The second cab was a chinese cabby. We started the mission.. lisa definitely will have to eat something before she consumes her pain-killer so it was totally understandable.. hehehe... me? erm.. didn't have anything since last night.. so before gastric comes and ruin my day i betta eat something.. yeke? hehehhe. By glimpse i could see the cabby was trying to peep through his rear view mirror. He might have a bad impression towards us. How i wish i could explain to this chinese guy.. But takkan nak masuk bab2 agama and haid plak??? bummer!! Outa the silence he suddenly voiced out..

Cabby : You tara puasaka???
Us : Kita orang perempuan ada excuse ma. perempuan saja.. lelaki mesti mau puasa..
Cabby : *scratch head*

oookaaayyy... not good.. not good.. i don't want him to have bad impressions towards our community.. but anyway, i was glad it didn't take long to reach Time Square so the cab driver won't have more killing questions to ask.. else lisa has to start her ceramah on this.

I did mention to lisa that my mission is ONLY to get a pair of sandals. Lisa knew me well.. she doubt it. I have not done any girls shopping for some time. Another male friend insisted me to get this therapy. According him, i need to pamper myself once in a while.. feel beautiful and satisfy my inner desire as a woman. I end up buying 3 nice tops, a lipstick and a lip gloss. Alas, the sandals i wanted to get, they didn't have the size. We end up "buka puasa" around 9pm! So it was our not so sinful saturday. we had fun.. mission almost accomplished.

on top of the world.

I've got a new toy.. and i'm falling in love with it.. Going to crumpler tomorrow.. see whether i can afford it tomorrow.

stalk my stocks!

It is my 1st month of being apart of shutterstock.
And these are my first 2 downloads for 2 days.. :)
looking forward for more!
check out my galleries here.

Nnnaaaakkk jugakk!!

The next thing on my list.. I want! I want!
Whats so special about this bag?

more at crumpler.

Tough decision. Yes. Again.

Life is full with decisions. I was struck with something that needs me to put on my thinking cap. And it better be the wise one. Sometimes letting go is the best solution in order to give way for a better one to come. It may not be the best but atleast it is better that being in regret for the things I didn't do. And this particular decision i made yesterday is one of the many tough decisions i had to make this year. I am sad but yet looking forward to see whats next. Better ? I hope.

ramadhan itu indah.

r a m a d h a n tahun ni membawa seribu erti dalam hidup aku. Tapi aku percaya setiap keburukan itu ada kecantikan. Ia menjadikan aku lebih tabah, matang dan kuat untuk mengharungi segala keperitan hidup.